Anger

Wow.  I’m really angry lately.  I noticed that on my Facebook status, I have twice dropped the F bomb.  I do this when I mean to convey deep obscenity, because that is what obscenities are for.  But I noticed that these two posts were one after the other.  I’m pretty mad that I still do not have the financial security I was promised a decade ago when I signed my enlistment contract.  I can certainly understand those who think that not getting what I was promised (even money) may not warrant such extreme forms of raw emotion, but they are not thinking deeply enough.

I watched people get injured, sometimes mortally, to get what the VA is now bungling royally in my case (and many others).  It is one thing to be promised something and then watch that promise fall to the wayside or just get delayed.  But in the case of college money, which is the prevailing reason people are and have been signing up, and you exponentialize it when you fetishize veterans or put all kinds of socio-emotional baggage on them with repeated deployments, idolizing their service, etc., you get a really toxic mixture.  I’m not just angry that it has taken over a month to get (for example) my book stipend, I feel BETRAYED.  I feel that the memory and lives of my comrades is being SHIT UPON by failure on the part of the government to fulfill a relatively straight forward promise of college money.

The fact that I am also mad because I selfishly want money that I am owed makes it that much more uncomfortable for me and probably anyone else that I talk to, but it remains a central motivator of my rage.  But make no mistake, the promise betrayed and the significance of that promise, as represented by the sacrifice of others, is the real issue at hand.  If i was promised good looks or the moon, I suspect I would be at least as livid.  So anyway, God forgive me and give me patience.  I am fucking tired of hollow promises and lives betrayed…

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